Overcoming Escapism
Photo C/O Reelr Media
I suffer from escapism. There is always something greater, newer, better. Rather than showing itself as mindless scrolling on social media (though I have been guilty of this!), it mostly shows as literally getting away from my home. If I can just take that trip, then after that all will be well. I will be ready to conquer that obstacle that I’m facing. While I truly enjoy traveling and it will always be an important part of my life, escapism is not safe when it happens over a long period of time. That’s exactly what happened to me as I spent multiple years since becoming a mother trying to find the next best escape. When I began to feel my life had become mundane or depression set in from something I haven’t been able to accomplish, I would often seek an escape. When I felt like I was failing in my marriage, a weekend couples trip should do the trick. When it felt like I was failing at motherhood, a quick getaway will help me to reset. I do believe that these types of escapes are meaningful and necessary but it becomes a problem when they are frequented too much or become an excuse as to why I am not living up to my standards of being a woman. In my experience, this form of escapism keeps you from taking care of the “hard stuff” in a timely manner and can manifest itself into procrastination and eventually completely ignoring your problems altogether. Trust me, I know. Because upon the return, it always felt as though I was back at square one. The arguments commenced, the pressures of motherhood felt too strong. Taking a trip did not fix the problem in itself. It merely “felt” like I was given more time to face it when in reality, things were becoming worse with time.
If you have ever had this experience for yourself, know that you are not alone. The truth of the matter is sometimes these experiences will help me to disengage and think about how to tackle a problem, BUT that’s only if I actually take the time to think through what is necessary. Other times, reality sets in that simply prolonging the task will not make it go away. That goes for both professional and personal circumstances. That report you need to generate or that tough conversation you need to have, all of it requires you to be present and the source of the problem will not merely dissipate because you chose to ignore it. The key is to find balance. Understanding what can wait a while and what needs your immediate attention will be essential to preserving your peace and allowing you the opportunity to escape from some of those really hard things. But only for a while.
I am learning and leaning into taking the time to acknowledge problems, research a solution, and do my best to implement them. That is truly the only way to manage stressful situations. It is also important to understand there will be struggles that will remain, always. Like the constant mental battle of whether you’re being a good enough mother or the consistency required to maintain a loving marriage. You have to be willing to put in the work on a consistent basis. No long term form of travel, social media browsing, or entertainment will fix that. After a while, you will realize that most of the things you dread are nowhere near as difficult as what you made up in your head. And if they are difficult, they will pass and you will start anew.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to decide on what needs immediate attention and what can wait until you’ve had some time:
How long will it take? Very much task-oriented, but I like to knock out quick & easy tasks first so I can focus all of my attention on the more complex issues.
Will this make or break a relationship? This is a tough one. I like to take my time with decisions that can prove to be permanent but when it comes to relationships, the longer you take the more the other person may drift. I like to COMMUNICATE my need for time and then take it, if appropriate.
Do I have to be the one to do it? Sometimes, you simply must delegate. If you are having a really difficult time and it is a decision or task that can be made without you being the one to do it— hand it off!
Is this an ongoing concern or temporary? In my opinion, if something will require continuous maintenance (like parenting) then it is best to get started right away. The quicker you enter a routine, the easier it will be to maintain.
I want to leave you with this. Escapism can be a gift or a curse. It is up to you to find the right balance and only then can your escape become the reward for doing what was necessary.