Less Kids, More Me

“Less Kids, More me.” That’s what I heard from the tiny voice in my head as I embarked upon the New Year. The past several years I have consistently placed the needs of my children above my own. And while they will always be a top priority, I simply cannot continue to neglect myself. This year I wanted to hone in on putting myself in the spotlight and being okay with filling my own cup until it runneth over into those of my husband and children.

How it started

It was right after I had posted yet another picture of my adorable children (if I do say so myself) that I heard the tiny voice pop in my head. My Instagram had begun to look more like a Stan account for my kids and very little to do with the person whom I created it for in the first place. I began to reflect and boy, did I stumble. Over the years I had completely lost myself in the responsibility of being a parent, so much so that I hadn’t even thought about what my little square on the internet would represent as I was no longer presenting it with the best of me.  Or had I come to a place where the best of me stopped at my children? Surely that can’t be true. I only use social media as an example because truthfully, there are so many layers to uncover on how this plays out in my real life.

Recently, a quote has been going around to the tune of “Love is a verb.” I must admit, I never really thought about it in that way. I knew that I felt love for someone and I would do things to show them I love them but I did not think of the act of showing them love was, in and of itself, where the love lied. So why is it that I can say I love myself, yet have nothing to show for it?  The past two years of my life have been rough yet transformative. I am not a stereotypical “new year, new me” type of girl, but as 2021 came rolling in that tiny voice felt like a revelation. Admittedly, I have given all I have to them. 

One evening, on our way home from date night, my husband and I were having a conversation about the type of moves we want to make in our lives and I recall saying something along the lines of “Forget me, I’m done. I just want to make sure my kids are good.” My husband immediately interjected, “Stop saying that. You are not done. I want you to see that you are more than this. More than just mom.” He may not have known it then but his words stuck with me through that entire night. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said because it was true. He truly pushed me to move forward and I am so grateful for that. It is time to show myself some grace, too. 

HOW IT’S GOING

That’s why I am starting a new chapter. I am choosing to begin to put myself in a higher position of hierarchy within my family paradigm. I truly cannot give with quality if I have nothing to give. I’ve heard it time and time again, yet always felt there was simply no way to prioritize myself when so many others needed me. I know a lot of women may feel the same, so I have taken the liberty of thinking through some things to change in order to lead a more “self-ish” life. Not self-centered, but focused more on providing for myself so that I can then give more quality attention to those I love the most.

Here’s what I have in mind:

Get more sleep (as best as I can)- If I simply stop feeling like I need to spend my free time after the kids have gone to bed awake and doing all the things, I can let my body receive what it needs most.

Schedule one day per week to go out alone, even if it’s just 30 minutes (and not related to the household)-Trying to give me as much time as I need. I have been doing this more and more and it really helps to recharge. It can be as simple as strolling through Target or grabbing lunch alone. Whatever it is, I want it to be focused on me and not the household.

Order dinner out 1-2 times per week, every week- This is a no brainer. Saturdays are designated take-out days and I always throw in an extra as needed throughout the week. Cooking is not my jam, so I can prioritize not struggling through it as often because that’s what makes me happy. But if cooking is your jam, you can totally prioritize that by trying new recipes or cooking for extended family.

Making time for friends monthly- I really want to grow in this area. It is going to be a priority for me to make time with friends each month. Since I am home ALL the time, it is important that I find ways to interact with other people outside of my home. Plus, one day out of the month won’t make or break your schedule. Although I would consider myself an introvert, spending time with those close to me is still a necessity because it always feels good to talk to someone you can relate to.

Doing something I really enjoy every week- Every act of prioritizing yourself does not have to be alone. You can find creative ways to do things you love while spending time with your family. In fact, that makes it that much more special. For example, I enjoy drawing so I can always sit down and draw with my kids. I love trying new restaurants, so I can definitely make it a tradition for each date night. I like to dance (for fun), so I can put the music on and have some fun with my family. Since it is something I love to do, it will still feel like something I am doing for myself.

Treat ‘Me’ How I Treat My Kids- I will walk around with the same outfits for 5 years, meanwhile my kids will have new wardrobes on rotation every 6 months! Of course, I’m going to always make sure they are taken care of but the point is that I have to treat myself with the same level of respect that I give them. If it’s time for me to refresh my wardrobe, I shouldn’t feel guilty. If I want to serve my kids a gourmet lunch, then I need to make one for myself too. If I want my kids to love themselves unconditionally, then I need to love myself the same way.

Practicing self-care is fun, but really taking the time to prioritize yourself when motherhood has become your identity takes a lot more effort. But you got this.

How are you prioritizing yourself? I would love some more ideas!